A Dog's New Year's Resolutions
I will not play tug-of-war with Daddy's underwear when
he's on the can.
2. I will remember the garbage collector is NOT stealing
our stuff.
3. I will not suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying
under the coffee table.
4. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
5. I will shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE
entering the house.
6. I will not eat the cat's food, before, or after, he
eats it.
7. I will stop trying to find new places on the carpet
when I am about to throw up.
8. I will not throw up in the car.
9. I will not roll on dead things.
10. I will stop considering the cat's litter box as a
cookie jar.
11. I will not wake up Mommy by putting my cold, wet nose
up her bottom end.
12 . I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell
them.
13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the
red ones, or my people will think that I am hemorrhaging.
14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the
window rolled down when it's raining outside.
15. I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of
anyone who is sitting on the can.
16. We do not have a doorbell. Therefore, I will not bark
each time I hear one on the television.
17. I will not steal my Mommy's underwear out of the
laundry basket and then dance all over the back yard with
them.
18. I will remember the sofa is not a face towel and
neither are Mommy's & Daddy's laps.
19. I will remember my head does not belong in the
refrigerator.
20. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in
for Mommy's driver's license and car registration.
I will not play tug-of-war with Daddy's underwear when
he's on the can.
2. I will remember the garbage collector is NOT stealing
our stuff.
3. I will not suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying
under the coffee table.
4. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
5. I will shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE
entering the house.
6. I will not eat the cat's food, before, or after, he
eats it.
7. I will stop trying to find new places on the carpet
when I am about to throw up.
8. I will not throw up in the car.
9. I will not roll on dead things.
10. I will stop considering the cat's litter box as a
cookie jar.
11. I will not wake up Mommy by putting my cold, wet nose
up her bottom end.
12 . I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell
them.
13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the
red ones, or my people will think that I am hemorrhaging.
14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the
window rolled down when it's raining outside.
15. I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of
anyone who is sitting on the can.
16. We do not have a doorbell. Therefore, I will not bark
each time I hear one on the television.
17. I will not steal my Mommy's underwear out of the
laundry basket and then dance all over the back yard with
them.
18. I will remember the sofa is not a face towel and
neither are Mommy's & Daddy's laps.
19. I will remember my head does not belong in the
refrigerator.
20. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in
for Mommy's driver's license and car registration.
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